


SHBAHJ WEEK

by captorashi



Category: Homestuck, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
Genre: Crossover, Food Kink, My Immortal - Freeform, Other, Weed, a fair amount of stuffing/feederism, a hot dog dildo with jelly lube, what monster have i unleashed upon this earth, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:52:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7785718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captorashi/pseuds/captorashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disgusting sins, in the form of a literary shitpost.</p>
<p>Current chapters:<br/>Day 1 (fave canon scene) - hot god illimunartis<br/>Day 6 (weed day) - my immortoke</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had planned for the chapters to all exist on sbahj week, but I had gotten in trouble for having an opinion about the toxic living environment I was living in and had my phone taken away the weekend I had planned to do the bulk of the work. Still, I'm trying to finish every chapter and share my disgusting inspiration with you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1: Fave canon scene
> 
> "Today...I put jelly on this hot god......."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: "jelly on this hot god" isn't ACTUALLY my favorite canon scene. I just felt it was the scene I could turn into the most convoluted mess of a fic. Which I think I did a pretty damn good job of doing.
> 
> Credit/thanks:  
> \- Laysmi (on here and on tumblr): artist of the accompanying pictures.  
> \- tavr0ss (tumblr): reviewed this chapter and gave me some additional creative ideas.

“bro..., today. i put... JELLY................. on this hot god” jeff saysd

“ahahahah how high do you even have to BE just do DO something like that” bro says back

“who CARESE man juts. EAt it dude trust me on this”

so the sweetest of broes eats the hot dog. hes’ is savoring every bite. smearing jelpy all over his face. his strange, y shaped mouth hole is completely covered with globs of jelly and specks of the meat and bun.

something in jeff is Awakednedby the site of his sweet bro smacking his mouth at the hot fdog. he needs the hort dog inside him. he goes to make another one but when he eats it its junst not enough. he needs,,, More,,,,,,,

he tries to eat so many hot dogsj. its not enough though. hes so full of hot dogs that he cant even fucinkg move. he can baerly breathe b.ecause the hit dogs are taking up so much space in his round swollen stomach but he needs more ,so much more. hes so sntuffed it hurts but he needs more.

sweet bro: “dude. what if this thing was acgtua lly a dick lmao”

and jeff realized thats what he was missing all along. it IS a dick. and he needs the hot dog dick to enter his ass he needs it now.

“bro oh my god youre a fucking genius. your amazing man” jeff sasy

“bro dude are yout hinking what im thinking”

‘please i sure goddamn hope so” jeff begs fervently

“dude.... what if i shoved the hot diog in your asshole. no homo though “bro saays

“oh my fuckinng dog” jfef says. “Yes”

“no homo rite”

“no homo”

so sweet bro does what any bro woudl do and he pulls down jefds pants (because jeff stomach is still bulging from eating like 400 hot gods) and spreads his legs nad preps jeff for the sexy hot dog dildo physically and emotionally.

first sweet bro coaxes his sweat nothings into his bro’s ear, strokingjeff”s face and body and alsways making sure to say “no homo tho” every 5 secnonds to make sure he is not homo and neigther is jeff. he takes off jeff’s shirt too for extra intimacy but still no jomo. now geff is naked but still no homo.

“dude junst. shove it up there as hard as you can. Blease”

“dont you need like,, lube of some shit like that?????????” sewet bro asks,

“what about the Jeelly” jeff wonders

“thtats a great idea dude.” swert bro says

he squirts jelly on the hot fog and stucks it in there like a sword in his archnenemy. “no homo dude”

“no homo” jeff says. no homo just a hot dogf fucking his assholg.

then sweet bro takes a hot dog bun and jnerks off jefs rock hard hot dong wiht it. jeff is in love. no homo tho

but then... the hot dog becomes,,,,,   not a hot dog. its a hot god. the god of jelly hot dogs has possessessed the hot dog dilfo and now itsd moving on its own. sweet bro is scared and steps bakc from jeff. but also the bun is still jercking off his fdick. he nbotices how jeff, on his hands and kneese, his skin is starting to look like a hot dog. hes tarts to glow purple like the jellyg.

jeff finaslly becomes the glorious hot god. heis flesh has turned into hot dog meant. it wont be long now beefore hes accepted into the hot dog illuminati. je feels it coming on hes going to cum from the hot dog. and out it comes out of his hot dog dick. its jelly. the hjelly squirts out of hot dog jef.f aand then hes gone. he fades away. another soul sacrificed for the jelly hot god illiminati.

“RINP IN PISS” sweet bro says. he pays tribute to jeffs life the only way he knows how. he licks jeff’s jelly cum off the floor from where he awas being fucked in the ass by a hot dog. then he goes to fuck jeffs hot mom.

  
TH EEND


	2. my immortoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Immortal but sbahj and weed.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wanted to post them in order, but this is the only other one I have done at all. Also, I PROBABLY have the bros mixed up. At least that adds a new layer of ironic fuckery.

chapepter 1

AN: spceail danks (get it, casue Im a stoner) to my bf (no homo) obama, misterprezz69420 for helpin gme wiht tje storie and speling. u rokc! mr squirrel ur hte loev of my depressessing life u ronk 2! SNOOP ROCKX!

hi my name is sweet bro dank'ness dementia fieri way and I have short spiky blond hair (that's how I got my name) with orange streaks and red tips and icy blue eyes like glacier freeze gatorade and a lot of people tell me I look like Johnny test (AN: if u dont know who he is get teh hell out of heern!). im not related to hella jeffs mom but i wish i was because shes a major fucking hottie. im a weed goblin but my clothes dont smell like weed or anything. i have pale white skin. im also a wizard and i go to a magic school called hogwarts in england where im in the seventh year (im seventeen). im a stoner (in case you couldent tell) and i wear mostly weed patterns. i love rasta empire and i buy all my clothes from there. for example today i was wearing a black t-shirt with a giant weed leaf on it and gray weed print basketball shorts, and black weed socks with sandals. i was wearing dorito dust as lipstick (so it was orange), white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow to match my bloodshot weed eyes. i was walking outside hogwarts. it was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which i was very hapy about. a lot of normies stared at me. i put up my middle finger at them.

"hey bro!" shouted a voice. i looked up. it was…. hella jeff!

"whats up jeff?" i asked.

"nothing." he said shyly.

but then i heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

 

chapter 2

AN: Danks 2 bloodybongz420 4 helpin me wiht hte chaptper! BTW normies stop flaming mah story ok!

the next day i woke up in my bedroom. it was snowing and raining again. i opened the door of my coffin and drank some bong water from a bong i had. My coffin was gray like weed ashes and inside it was lime green velvet with weed patterned ribbons on the ends. i got out of my coffin and took of my blue onesie which I used for pajanimas. instead i put on a 420 shirt and cargo pants, a weed necklace, sandals and green weed socks on.

my friend, barack (AN: obama dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. he flipped his long shoulder-length raven black hair with green streaks and opened his turd-brown eyes. he put on his mr president t-shirt with black short-shorts, official presidential tights and adidas. We put on our makeup (dorito dust lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"oh my funcking gosd, i saw you talking to hella jeff yesterday!" he said excitedly.

"yeah? so?" i said, blushing.

"do yuo like jeff?" he asked as we went out of the slytherin common room and into the great hall.

"no I so fucking dont im not a homo!" i shouted.

"yeah right!" he exclaimed. juts then jeff walked up to me.

"hi" he said.

"hi" i replied sassily.

"guess what." he said.

"what?" i asked.

"well, bob marely is having a concert in hogsmeade." he told me.

"oh. my. fuckign. god!” i screamed. I love bob marley. hes my favorite musician, besides snoop dogg.

“well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

i gaspned.

 

chanpter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING HTE STORY NORMIES REEEEE! ohtegrwise danks to hte stoners 4 the good reveiws! DANKS AGIAN OBAMA! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Bob Marley.

On the night of the concert I put on my grossest pair of bro sandals. Underneath them were my favorite weed thigh-highs. Then I put on rasta minishorts with a bob marley shirt. I put on elbow-length rasta fingerless gloves. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little sober then, so I smoked one of my blunts. I read a lame normie book while I waited for the high to kick in and I listened to some Marley. I painted my nails green and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some dorito dust lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some bong water so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Jeff was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Rihanna t-shirt (she would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot off rad dudes waer it ok!).

"Hi Jeff!" I said in a high voice.

"Hi Bro." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 42069) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Bob Marley and Snoop Dogg. We both smoked lots of weed. When we got there, we both stumbled out of the car. We went to the area at the front of the stage and danced really slow as we listened to Bob Marley.

"I think I might join the fun, (I might join the fun)  
But I had to hit and run. (had to hit and run)   
See I just can't settle down (just can't settle down)   
In a kinky, kinky part of town." sang Bob (I don't own hte lyrics 2 taht song).

"Marley is so fucking dope." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Jeff looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we breathed in the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok hes not nearly as dank as YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Marley and he's going to rehab. I fucking hate that place." I said disgustedly, thinking of how boring and depressing it is.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Jeff. After the concert, we drank some monster and asked marley for his autograph and photos with him. We got Bob Marley concert tees. Jeff and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Jeff didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

 

**Chapter 4.**

AN: I siad stup flaming ok bro's name is BRO nut mary su OK! JEFF IS SOO IN LUV wiht him dat he is acting difreent! htey knwe each ohtrer b4 ok!

"JEFF!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Jeff didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Bro?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Jeff leaned in extra-close and I looked into his bloodshot red eyes (he was really fucking high) which revealed so much weed and kush and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Jeff kissed me passionately. Jeff climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my clothes and I took of his clothes. I even took of my sandals. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!


End file.
